moonbeam65

I woke up this morning thinking that it’s Sunday and a day when I may eat something “yummy” that I usually crave. I also saw a commercial on TV about kitchen appliances. There was a giant cake with whipped cream, chocolate, all that enchilada. Well, in the past two things combined, Sunday and a cake, would push me into searching, longing, craving, and eating fat, sweet things. Not today. I looked at that cake and remembered what Shanna posted about corn starch, sweeteners, and transfats.

I looked at the cake and literally felt my stomach cringe. There was NO watering in my mouth, no anticipation of sensual pleasure of eating the cake. Nothing. It was like I was looking at a piece of plastic, not a cake. I would not want to eat plastic, right? What is it, where did all that childhood conditioning on sweet fat things and “comfort food” go? Are my reflexes, reactions all screwed up or are they finally getting straight? Here it was my body telling my brain that the cake is toxic artificial plastic and is not good for me? THE CAKE?

And I thought this day would never come… It’s like I was abducted by aliens who have altered my biochemistry for years and now I am back to mother Earth. Or it’s like I was living in the Foodsie’s Matrix and getting all the senses screwed and programmed to like strange things and at some point, after reading, researching, thinking, and questioning, I took a blue pill and can see what’s real and what’s not.

I have been reading many posts lately saying that if you go through a difficult time, don’t push yourself too hard, relax, take care of yourself, don’t be too strict in self-evaluation if you failed healthy eating and exercise.

I wonder if a doctor would tell a person with diabetes, “you have so much stress now, have a candy  and don’t worry about anything” or if a bank manager would say to a customer, “you are in debt and close to losing your house, now get another loan and buy something nice for yourself, you are so stressed.”

Sometimes I can easily detect a  state of mind that is busy looking for excuses why I should “take it easy” and start shoveling food into my mouth. Sometimes I can make a choice to step into a “zone” of healthy choices and make myself stronger to dea with stress.

 And frankly, how is it being bloated, sluggish, feeling heavy and sick from overeating and weak from not moving would help me tolerate stress while “going through a difficult time?” It would only make it worse.

Life is about stress. There is always something happening. If it’s not work, then it’s family, friends, taxes, gas prices, etc… We don’t stop breathing when we are stressed, we don’t stop eating, we don’t stop sleeping, and we don’t stop going to the bathroom. Why then should we stop healthy eating and exercising? Being mentally and physically fit would improve our resistance to stress. We can choose to thrive instead of finding an excuse to dig deeper into misery.

I watch skinny, healthy people dealing with stress. They don’t baloon in just a few weeks when they face problems. They go on with life… brush their teeth in the morning, exercise, eat healthy breakfast, and look for ways to resolve problems. They don’t try to “eat” their problems and find solutions laying on the couch.

 I wrote this blog mostly for myself. If it triggers something in you, I apologize.

 The “looking for excuses” state of mind was what got me into binges and gaining weight on the first place. Coddling myself and recounting “hurts” and unfairness actually helped me to remain fat and unahppy. So. I want to stop the insanity of being in this cycle. I don’t see stress. I choose to see possiblities and opportunities. I don’t see hurts, I see a chance to be compassionate. I don’t see unfairness, I see the reason, the consequences, and the window of change.

Hope everyone had a great Mother’s day.

 My son stopped by with his giflriend and brought presents. I raised a beautiful, smart young man. So proud of him. My baby. 22 years old!

His teenage years were so stormy… and now he has a job, a place to live, a  girlfriend, goals in life, and he is responsible and loving towards me and my parents.

 Just wanted to share my happiness with you guys.

 Off for a walk with an enthusiastic walking partner, my husband.

That your weight can stay the same but you gain muscles and reshape your body. I have proof. I am that proof. The weight is the same but the lean body mass has increased; I gained 7 pounds of muscles that replaced 7 pounds of fat. No wonder my clothes are loose. I always thought that it’s something that people just say out of pity, “You gain muscles, that’s why you are not losing” to make me feel better.

The slave driver measures me every month and monitors progress. I don’t have to build muscles anymore; I need to maintain lean body mass and get rid of fat by incorporating more cardiovascular exercise. The problem is that I can only do walking 2-3 miles at a time due to bad knees and ankles. I wonder if anyone has the same problem and found some cardio workouts that are easy on joints.

I have been playing mental tricks with myself and need to stop doing that. Because I work out every day and do weight lifting three times a week, I eat more thinking that it would be burned by exercising. Well, the muscles are there but the fat is still there too because I feed the fat cells indulging in more food that my body needs. As the slave driver, my trainer says, we got the exercise part down, now it’s time to work on food. There is no other way. I don’t want to become a very muscular sumo fighter with layers of fat. LOL

I dread recording food intake because it might trigger obsession with food and ultimate binge eating. Have been recording food, but not calories, for three days now on Debbie’s May eats thread. I promised to myself that I will stop writing meals immediately if it triggers unhealthy patterns. Restrictions and obsessive counting have ALWAYS led to binges for me.

So once again, in search for that elusive balance…

OMG, this is just TOO funny.

Use the first letter of your first name to determine your NEW first name:

A … stinky
B…lumpy
C…buttercup
D…dorkey
E…crusty
F…greasy
G…fluffy
H…cheeseball
I…chim-chim
J…poopsie
K…flunky
L…booger
M…pinky
N…zippy
O…goober
P…doofus
Q…slimey
R…loopy
S…snotty
T…falafel
U…gidget
V…squeezit
W…oprah
X…skipper
Y…dinky
Z…zaa-zaa

~~~~

Now use the first letter of your last name to determine the first half of your NEW last name:

A…diaper
B…toilet
C…giggle
D…bubble
E…girdle
F…barf
G…lizard
H…waffle
I…cootie
J…monkey
K…potty
L…liver
M…banana
N…rhino
O…burger
P…hamster
Q…toad
R…gizzard
S…pizza
T…gerbil
U…chicken
V…pickle
W…chuckle
X…tofu
Y…gorilla
Z…stinker

~~~~

Now use the last letter of your last name to determine the second half of your NEW last name:

A…head
B…mouth
C…face
D…nose
E…tush
F…breath
G…pants
H…shorts
I…lips
J…honker
K…butt
L…brain
M…tushie
N…chunks
O…hiney
P…biscuits
Q…toes
R…buns
S…fanny
T…sniffer
U…sprinkles
V…kisser
W…squirt
X…humperdink
Y…brains
Z…juice